Beyond the intense pleasure it provides in the moment, this short but intense orgasmic state has longer-term benefits for both the body and mind. We'll explain why we should all experience it, without moderation.
What is a female orgasm?
We don't think to rationalize it in the moment, but you should know that orgasm , although quite short, takes place in 3 distinct phases :
1° The increasing intensity of sexual desire with physical changes such as swelling of the clitoris and labia, hardening of the breasts, an acceleration of heart rate and breathing, a sensation of heat, a reddening of the skin...
2° This is followed by a sort of threshold during which the sensations remain intense, but the heart and breathing slow down .
3° Orgasm itself is marked by the uncontrollable triggering, for a few seconds, of contractions of the muscles of the vagina and perineum .
Vaginal or clitoral? Let's put an end to the myth!
The clitoris, far more than the vagina, plays an absolutely central role in achieving orgasm. As Dr. Jen Gunter , a gynecologist, reminds us in her book "The Vagina Bible" (FIRST Editions): "Only one-third of women reach orgasm through penetration alone (that is, without using their hands), solely through the thrusts of the penis or a similar object." What happens? MRIs show that the clitoris is then compressed by the penis, which explains this type of pleasure, though relatively rare.
In fact, orgasm can be achieved in various ways as long as blood flow to the clitoris is stimulated. External or internal caresses, nipple stimulation are all ways to reach ultimate pleasure. According to this specialist in women's health, it's best to permanently abandon the terms "vaginal orgasm" or "G-spot," which are meaningless .
Some figures to help you get your bearings:
- 80% of women say they achieve orgasm through clitoral stimulation during masturbation or sex*.
- 86% of lesbians say they always or almost always reach orgasm, compared to 65% of heterosexuals .
- Women take longer than men to reach it, sometimes ten to twenty minutes .
- Only 40-60% of women masturbate, compared to 95-99% of men.
The many benefits of orgasm
On a neurochemical level: a profound sense of well-being
On a physiological level, sexual intercourse with a partner, or simply self-pleasure, is "a cocktail of pleasure hormones—testosterone, endorphins, estrogen, dopamine—and, during orgasm, oxytocin. This is the expression of what we commonly call 'libido,'" explains Maud Renard in her book "Habiter son uté" (Tana éditions). [...] These are surges of energy in the body that distribute pleasant information throughout our muscles and to our brain. Endorphins, for example, reduce pain in the body; dopamine generates joy and creativity; and oxytocin sends a message of confidence.
On a mental level: a moment of full presence
Whether it's with a partner or masturbation, it remains an interaction with another person or with oneself. "This exchange of energy is also a way to experience one's sexuality consciously and presently: by feeling the hormones gradually intoxicate us, we remain in the present moment," explains Maud Renard. "Beyond the sexual act, this exchange of energy nourishes our entire being on a physical, emotional, and energetic level." It's as good as, or even better than, meditation and achieving the Alpha state for letting go of daily stress.
- On a physical level: better health
Orgasm has anti-inflammatory and therefore anti-aging effects, and improves blood circulation. It also triggers the secretion of another hormone: dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA), which has an anti-aging effect on muscles and bones.
Not to mention that making love also burns calories in the same way as moderate activity like brisk walking.
Finally, the feeling of well-being that follows promotes restful sleep. On the one hand, oxytocin reduces cortisol levels, which calms our stream of intrusive thoughts before bedtime. On the other hand, orgasm also stimulates the production of melatonin, the sleep hormone.
On a more local level, regular sexual activity helps to gently stretch and stimulate vaginal tissues. And this also applies to solo use: vibrators are beneficial for the perineum and pelvic floor because they increase blood flow and improve muscle tone.
How to achieve orgasm alone or with a partner?
Some tips to reach cloud nine:
- Discussing your fantasies, desires, and the types of caresses you enjoy with your partner is key to shared pleasure.
- Making noise : expressing pleasure excites the partner but also allows for longer and stronger orgasms according to a study published in the "Archives of Sexual Behaviour".
- Get up regularly . When you spend your day sitting at a desk, your pelvic floor muscles lose tone, which limits vaginal and perineal contractions. A strong perineum provides better sensations.
- Drink enough water to ensure good body hydration and proper intimate lubrication.
- Limit sources of stress that inhibit oxytocin production. Conversely, it can be boosted by cuddling and tender moments together regularly.
- Having sex or caressing during your period . For many of us, this time is painful and leads to withdrawal. Yet, orgasms are often more intense during this period when testosterone levels skyrocket (more information in our article How to Enjoy Your Libido at Every Phase of Your Cycle ).
Letting go : not easy when you're caught up in a busy daily life, with a partner who irritates you, children who exhaust you… but it's the key to letting pleasure wash over you. A few breathing exercises, a relaxing hot bath, a meditation… It's good to disconnect before making love.
- Buy yourself a vibrator . "Research has shown that women who use erotic accessories have orgasms more easily and frequently than others," says Dr. Laurie Mintz, a professor of psychology and licensed sex therapist.
- Treat yourself to a retreat of a few days among women to learn to know each other on an intimate level, practice Kundalini and all kinds of activities that allow you to connect with yourself and your pleasure.
With or without orgasm, the principle of integrative sexuality.
While some women reach orgasm very quickly, almost mechanically, others do not but find pleasure through other means, by activating their other senses.
Integrative sexuality consists of "taking pleasure with or without orgasm," explains Maud Renard. "And to find pleasure, you have to explore other possibilities beyond genital sexuality. While hormones promote libido, the primary organ of desire is the brain. It is the brain that must feel receptive to pleasure."
Sensations of pleasure, whatever their nature, are generated by the brain's "hot spots," activated by sexual pleasure of course, but also by the pleasure of a good meal, favorite music, or a massage. It's up to us to explore this wonderful range!
